Submission, Love, & Young Girls

Today I read the 6th Chapter of Sex God entitled Worth Dying For. It was on submission, a topic that is only talked about in the church. Common themes that I have heard many times before began to emerge with a splash of new insight. For example, a husband and wife should have a mutual submission toward each other as Ephesians 5 teachers. The quote that made me stop to think was…

“So the husband is commanded to lay down his life for his wife, and the wife is commanded to submit to her husband, but they’re both commanded to submit to each other because everyone is commanded to submit to everyone else, and all of this is out of “reverence for Christ.”

Submission and marriage are often subjects that people get uptight about. It shouldn’t be. Christians should submit to others (Ephesians 4:21), not just their spouse. I know why people get uptight about the subject. It’s a power issue. Submission is giving up power. We live in an upside down Kingdom where giving up power is a part of citizenship. You could argue but you’ll only damage yourself.

But the section that causes the most spiritual commotion tapped into my paternal nature…young girls and their perceived scenes of lack of worth. This always touches a nerve within me. So few girls know how valuable they are and so few guys have anything clue how to love them with an ounce of Christ’s love. Some quotes that come to mind…

“Do you realize you are worth dying for? You don’t need to give yourself away to someone who won’t give himself to you.”

“Sex becomes a search. A search of something they’re missing. A quest for the unconditional embrace. And so they go from relationship to relationship, looking for what they already have.”

“You don’t need a man by your side to validate you as a woman. You already are loved and valued. You’re good enough exactly as you are….You have limitless worth and value.”

As a youth minister I know few girls will actually embrace my words when I teach. Worth is not taught. Worth has to be shown. In an age where verbal complements and innocent touches can easily be interpreted with sexual overtones…it’s difficult to show girls how much they are loved.

When you think about all the girls that live in my safe little community, how many actually know they are of great value and worth? 5% maybe? I mean, maybe 5% will actually hold out for the right guy and present themselves with dignity and honor?

Call me young and idealistic but I think the church of Jesus Christ shouldn’t be having it’s butt kick in the area of honoring and respecting young woman. On the other hand, the perverted nature of my male driven urges knows exactly why we are losing the battle. Maybe this is why so few men will actually say anything to the woman they love the most. We are hypocrites.

Deep Ministry In A Shallow World

Despite my belief that the Purpose Driven model of minister is a strong and healthy model, I have spent four years at this ministry and have seen limited amounts of fruit. The cause of this is numerous, largely due to my leadership inabilities and partly due to the congregation’s (thus the student’s) ability to relate all five purposes to their individual lives. (I still get the impression that most believe that discipleship is the same as being baptized, that evangelism is the responsibility of the paid guys, and fellowship is a nice but unnecessary part of growth). I guess a Purpose Driven Youth Ministry can only work when “big” church is truly driven by purpose.

After reading Deep Ministry In A Shallow World, I have come to the conclusion that my application of Purpose Driven has casused me be more agenda driven instead of relational focused. When I would challenge the y.m. to a deeper understanding of discipleship or worship, I was basically telling everyone that they weren’t good enough and we should do better. To say it another way, “The purposes are more important than you.” That’s a bad message to send.

Instead of being agenda drive, Deep Ministry In A Shallow World asks the question “What is God up to?” We answer this question knowing that God is in the business of transforming people. God wants his children to change from their sinful nature to his nature. Youth ministry should be an environment of spiritual transformation for students. To say another way, God wants students to go deeper.

With this basic understanding of God, we can take four basic steps to take students deeper. (See Chapter 2)

Step 1 – Now? Goal: To discern (understand) God’s current transformation by asking:
o What type of transformation is God bringing about now?
o What is creating space for God’s transformation now?
o What is hindering God’s transformation now?

Step 2 – New? Goal: To reflect upon new insights and ideas by asking:
o What does Scripture say?
o What does history say?
o What does research say?
o What does experience say?

Step 3 – Who? Goal: To observe others who are already going deeper by asking:
o What are some ways others are applying these new insights to their ministries?
o In what ways are their situations similar to our?
o In what ways are they different?

Step 4 – How? Goal: To apply information from Steps 1-3 by asking:
o Given everything how can we go deeper?

Going through these four steps seems to be a much better way to go deeper instead of asking how to improve the purposes.

Overall, the book is a good read. It has a lot of research on adolescent culture and practical ways to apply to this to the leader’s ministry context. I would love for my volunteers to read this book.

Communcating for a Change

I’ve been Andy Stanley fan since I heard him speak at the ‘99 Youth Specialties convention. I seem to grow in appreciation for him every year.

I just finished his book Communicating For a Change. Stanley basically questions what most homiletic professors teach and what most modern preachers preach…the three points, informational based sermon. It’s not that these sermons are altogether useless. But Stanley simply states that there is a better way to communicate God’s Word.

Here is something that I learned…the Relational Outline.

The out line I was taught was an outline for information. Ideas are organized to help the teacher to impart information. Stanly developes his teaching with the belief that multiple ideas (or points) make communication less effective. Teaching one points makes it easier for the listener to understand and apply. Therefore, Stanley takes his one ideas and develops it in a relational outline. It basically looks like Me – We – God – You – We.

Me - To help find a common ground with the audience, I introduces myself and the one idea as it pertains to a struggle in my own life. (Orientation of the tension)

We – The struggle in my life is not limited to me but is shared by us all. The one idea pertains to us all. (Identification of the tension)

God – God has an answer to our dilemma and this is what the Bible has to say about it. (Illumination of the tension)

You – Because the Bible has an answers, here is how you can do something about it. (Application of the tension)

We – What would happen if we allowed this one idea to change our life? (Inspiration from the tension)

Great book for church communicators.

Beatboxing Flute Inspector Gadget

Who knew a flute could be so cool.

The Naked Truth

A few weeks ago I attended the National Youth Worker’s Conference put on by Group publishing. (It was a worth while event.) One of the speakers was Lakita Garth, a national speaker on the subject on sexual abstinence. She had brand new book that was “fresh off the press” and I could buy a copy for just $10. Sex is a subject that very few in the church will go into depth to make a meaningful connection. So I purchased this book to help my teaching.

The book is called The Naked Truth About Sex, Love, and Relationships. The basis of the book is that we (culture) has accepted a-many-of-things as “a lie in truth’s clothing.” Many “lies” are exposed in a new and fresh light. For example, Garth believes that peer pressure does not exist; that it serves as an excuse when students lack character. I think she is right. Garth attacked the difficult subject of co-habitation; a subject that the church typically has nothing intelligent to share. Pre-material sex is the biggest part of the book. It’s a good read for Christian teachers and even for students.

Hotel, Hotel

I spent a few days in Indy at the National Youth Worker's Convention put on my Group. They showed some funny clips and this one was the funniest by far. Youth minister's will get the greatest kick out of this.

Through Painted Deserts

I started to read Through Painted Deserts last October on my vacation to east TN. I read just three chapters while I was away and never continued until ten days ago. It’s basically a record of a long road trip from Houston, TX to Oregon in a worn down VW bus. After all of the mechanical problems, people meet, and side treks they realize they have been on a spiritual pilgrimage as God has guided them every moment of the journey.

The quote that I remember the most likely had very little to do with the over all scheme of the book. It came early in the book, which means I read it four months ago, but it struck of never of truth. It read…

When you build a city near no mountains and no oceans, you get materialism and traditional religion. People have too much time and lack inspiration.

Hum…I think he is on to something.

Why Backpacking?

While shopping at Dick’s Sporting Good Store an idea crossed my mind. If I lived anywhere the Smokey Mountains I make it a spiritual discipline to spend one night a month in the backcountry. Now it’s safe to say that the Smokey’s could be substituted with any outdoor wilderness area (that’s a little bigger than what Indiana has to offer). What is it about the backcountry that drawls me into its surrounding?

I’ve been reading Through Painted Deserts by Donald Miller. Midway through the book he finds himself at the Grand Canyon taking in the majestic surroundings. As he looks at this section of creation he thinks, “Life is a dance toward God.” He thinks about all the junk he left back in the real world, as he manages life with just a few necessities, he comes to a comforting conclusion: “There is nothing I am missing. I have everything I was supposed to have to experience the magnitude of this story, to dance with God.”

This struck a nerve. My back packing is spiritual. It’s one of the few opportunities to “dance toward God” without interruption. Everything I need to enjoy this dance is strapped on my back in a 30 to 40 pound pack with no ability to clutter up my life with more junk. I can spin 360* and never be removed from this magnificent pace of life. Life is simple and therefore God becomes much more visible.

I wish I were closer to that magnificent canvas. Or maybe I need to learn to appreacted the canvas I currently posses.

What Matters Most

Doug Fields wrote What Matters Most to encourage youth ministers to find balance in life and ministry. Saying no to the things that do not matter is far better than saying yes to the things that are secondary. I bought this book mainly because I relate with Field’s approach to the job. But in all honesty, it wasn’t really a book that I needed to read. My training at college prepared me well to keep a balanced life. Then I heard Andy Stanly teach at a Y.S. conference that every minister has to choose who they cheat; their church or their family. I’ve learned to be intestinal about personal time, to keep family first, and that the church can survive without me. Thou this book was not the most approate for me, it will help teach the importance of balance to my church. There are a lot of people saying yes to the wrong things. Balance is difficult to find. I’m thankful for a job that allows me to find it.

I Want to Talk With My Teen About Addictions

I Want to Talk With My Teen About Addictions is a resource geared more for parents rather than a youth worker. Much of the material was extremely basic info about the signs and trends of adolescent addictions. Some of the static I question and the phrase “We need to safe our kids!” came up more that once. I shy away from such statments because I’m a firm believer that we need to be less focused showing kids the things to avoid and more about showing them the virtues of faith that need to be embraced. I would recommend this book to a youth worker but only as a resource book when counseling students or parents.

Creating Community: 5 Keys to Building A Small Group Culture

I picked up the book Creating Community : 5 Keys to Building a Small Group Culture with the intent to glen some advice to improve the culture of our youth ministry. I believe that community is at an all time low and youth meetings are becoming more of responsibility than an opportunity.

The book is a detailed description of the small group ministry of the North Point Community Church. Though I am not the small group director or even a leader, I identified with many of the values of this ministry…
• The need to be strategic with clear expectations and goals.
• Putting an 18 to 24 month cap on the time the group can exists thus, makeing it easier for new participates to join once a new group has been formed.
• Closing the group to new members so that the group can focus on spiritual growth rather than numeric growth.

This was not a youth ministry book but I did glen one major idea about how I lead the youth groups on Wednesday Night. When describing the goals of a ministry they believe that their “open door program” should “change people’s mind about church.” Their small group ministry should “change people’s minds about their priorities.” Without knowing it, this is the exact opposite of the way I’ve been teaching the youth.

The way I’ve been leading it was; come to youth groups so I can change your life’s priorities then we can change your mind about church. How foolish of me. Only God can change priorities; not a teacher. I need to focus more on changing kids minds about God and church rather than their life’s priorities. This will be very hard for me to change but I must.

A New Kind of Youth Ministry

A New Kind of Youth Ministry, by Chris Folmsbee, is a quick read. Putting the content of this book into practice will be anything but quick. If you are new to the “postmodern conversation” then many of these ideas will be new. I’ve been in this conversation for over six years and I can honestly say that many of ANKYM’s ideas have already crossed my mind once before. This book, however, collects these ideas and presents them in a clear presentation that leads it’s readers to one over arching conclusion…youth ministry can and should be done differently.

Andy Mckee - For My Father - www.candyrat.com

I stumbeld on this guys yesterday and likely watched this clip a dozen times. Amazing.

Baptism Cannonball!

A Prophet

Thursday’s in the office are typically laid back. Youth meetings are over with nothing too urgent to prepare, so I used my time to do some reading. I’ve been in Brain McLaren’s book, “The Story We Find Ourselves In” for a while now and I would like to finish it by next week.

I’m reading along and on the 78th page I read...

“The prophets where very different. They were an odd and special breed. They had no credentials except their own charisma and courage and refusal to be ignored. They are seized with a passion from God to convey a message from God. Often they confronted the people about moral and ethical failures – oppressing the poor, forgetting widows and orphans, that sort of thing. The prophets cried for justice and genuineness, and would confront hypocrisy wherever it appeared – including in the powerful.”

This is a subpoint to his book but McLaren has helped me understand that a part of my spiritual DNA is that of a modern day prophet (not just in this book but in others). We are odd guys that many do not understand. And like the prophets of old, their voices are often marginalized, ignored, and misunderstood. They believe they were sent from God to speak a message from God to his people. That’s a big part of who I am.

I wonder what my church would think about that? But that's another blog entery.

I Got One

With the deer season finished I went out bird hunting for the first time this season. I grabbed my gun and my dog Duke then went out. Duke is not a hunting dog but I wanted to see what he would do. As predicted, he did a lot of nothing. He minded well, not getting to far ahead and coming back when I called. He did help me cover more territory that might have flushed out game but he does not have the instincts to be a hunting dog. I’ll take him hunting with me none-the-less. I kicked up two large covey of quail and to my surprise I got one. I saw it fall and ran to the spot. I could hear it flap it’s wings but then it stopped. I looked for nearly two minutes with no success. We were near a road and Duke wanted to go across it into someone’s yard. After calling he didn’t come. I went over to grab him, dragged him to my side the road, I looked down in the grass and saw two feathers, then a little blood, and quail bird. I was more proud of harvesting that bird than I did of my deer. Hopefully we will go sometime next week.

 

The Morgans

The journey to Mr. Morgan’s funeral was long but well worth the effort. The funeral of this great man was a celebration of hard work, investing in others, and a simple faith that had an extraordinary impact in the Kingdom. I was reminded of how blessed I am for being part the JBC family and for being one of the few students of my era to have known the Morgans. Memories of fried eggs at Homecoming, conversations of UT football, cans of diet Coke-a-Cola, and the unending number of stories told raced through my mind as the day ran its course.

Perhaps my personal highlight (and there were many) was at the grave site. I approached Mrs. Eubanks to simply greet her. She gave me a huge, thanked me for coming, and said, “Chad, you were one of his boys.” Being one of the Morgan’s “boys” is a very special honor. To be called a Morgan “boy” was a rite earned by much sweat and hard work on the basketball court or on one of his work crews. I’m not sure if I earned that rite but I am proud of being a boy of a Morgan boy (Dad). Then again maybe I was one of their boys. Maybe I was the very last. If that be true then what an honor.

Think About It

“Life falls into two categories that take our life’s energy: achieving and connecting. Unless we are intentional about connecting, the achieving becomes our top priority and we fill our life with achieving activities. Achieving can not be a substitute for meaningful connection.”

…a sermon delivered 10/15/06 by Mike Breaux of Willow Creek Church

A Christmas Q

You see them all over the place. Church signs that display a short phrase to make passing drivers laugh or think. I drove past such a sign last Saturday and I’ve been thinking about it ever since. The sign read, “What does God want for Christmas?” It’s an interesting question. As a child, the focus of my Christmas was about getting what I wanted. As an adult, my focus is getting others what they want. But to be honest, asking God want he wants for Christmas is a question I do not recall asking. A few possible answers come to mind. But instead of writing the things I came up with I would rather have you wrestle with the question yourself. What does God want for Christmas?
I would love to hear your answers. Leave a comment stating your answer for myself and others to read.

A Blog Encouragement

Youth ministry and doubt go hand in hand. On any given Wednesday I can feel confident and the very next day my spirit can as insecure as a middle school boy around the school hotie. Here are some questions this youth minister asks on a regular basis: Is this really worth it?
Am I a fraud? Can adolescents be a follower of Christ? Are people listening? Is it time to move on?

Don’t read too much into these questions. If a minister (or even a Christian for that matter) claimed not to have some of these questions I would look them in eye and call them a liar. They are lying to me or to themselves and ultimately God.

I just read a youth minister’s blog that shared some encouraging data. (Click here to read the blog.) It reviewed research done by the University of Illinois at urban Champaign. The research basically states that of all the organized activates teens participate in, faith-based youth groups provide the highest rate of personal and interpersonal growth.

I was encouraged. You should read it.